Tuesday, July 10, 2007

The Swimming Pool Restroom

Yes, I've dipped into the archives and pulled out my now classic peeing-in-the-pool post. I'm just going to keep posting it every year until people stop peeing in pools--which will be never.

The Swimming Pool Restroom

It will be close to 100 degrees in the tri-state today. Oh, yeah, this is going to be fun.

I'm filling the guest bathtub with cold water and will be using it as my own personal swimming pool. While we have a large pool right here at the foot of my building, I swore a long time ago that I would never again set foot in multiple-user pools. They are quite unkempt. And dirty. And disgusting.

Human elimination in swimming pools was something I always blamed on children with lazy parents who hadn't passed down instructions that it is uncouth and disgusting to eliminate in the water rather than get out of the pool and use the restroom. But now I realize that grown-ups themselves are often just as guilty of this practice. Grown-ups who should know better. I have swum through too many warm-water areas in pools to be unaware of this problem.

Some people have told me, "That doesn't bother me. They use chlorine in the pool"--as if this makes it better. They can use 2.92 million dump trucks' worth of chlorine in the pool as far as I'm concerned. If I swallow water while swimming, I'm swallowing water, pee, and chlorine.

I don't want to swim in other people's urine, I'm funny that way. My bathtub's going to serve as my swimming pool. Oh sure, Frankie and Johnny may occasionally drink from it, but they don't swim in it; and even if they DID swim in it, they are smart enough to know not to eliminate in the same place as one swims, once again proving that cats are highly intelligent and far more respectful of others than humans.

I'm off to fill my chlorine-free, pee-free pool! Stay cool everyone!

P.S. See those 3 people in the pool above? Those people are peeing in the pool.

UPDATE: More Wisdom from Dick "Meanie" Small:

I don't swim in pools. Not only are people peeing, but mucus is running out of people's noses. Skin is flaking off. Hair comes loose (pubes as well). So not only are you swimming in pee, you're also swimming in mucus, dead skin and pubic hair.

The man's a genius. Sometimes.

20 Comments:

Anonymous jane said...

so does this mean you don't want to go swimming in the town pool with me today? the pee is much cleaner and tasty in my town than in YOUR neck of the woods. c'mon. we'll have fun.

Jul 10, 2007, 10:29:00 AM  
Blogger Zed said...

I'd rather shoot myself than swim in that town pool.

Every slimebag within a 10-mile radius is swimming and peeing there in the summer. Besides, it has so much chlorine everyone leaves with green hair.

Feel free to use my guest bathtub as an alternative. OR stay home use your own. :)

Jul 10, 2007, 10:33:00 AM  
Blogger Lynda said...

I think the sitters are peeing, the swimmer is done. And I bet adults pee in the pool too!

Jul 10, 2007, 2:48:00 PM  
Blogger Dick Small said...

I don't swim in pools. Not only are people peeing, but mucus is running out of people's noses. Skin is flaking off. Hair comes loose (pubes as well). So not only are you swimming in pee, you're also swimming in mucus, dead skin and pubic hair.

Jul 10, 2007, 3:58:00 PM  
Blogger Dick Small said...

Btw, Zed, do you realize you're not on Teri's blogroll??? It's true. She's totally dissed you. I bet it's on purpose, too.

Jul 10, 2007, 4:03:00 PM  
Blogger Zed said...

"I don't swim in pools. Not only are people peeing, but mucus is running out of people's noses. Skin is flaking off. Hair comes loose (pubes as well). So not only are you swimming in pee, you're also swimming in mucus, dead skin and pubic hair."


THREE MORE REASONS NOT TO SWIM IN POOLS!! I may have to move this to the first page of my post, Dick. You're a genius. Sometimes.

Jul 10, 2007, 4:32:00 PM  
Blogger Zed said...

Dick, I hadn't noticed that I was removed from Teri's blogroll in my 4.5 month absence.

Thanks for pointing that out! And she calls herself my "sister" ... Family, you can't trust them at all.

:(

Jul 10, 2007, 4:47:00 PM  
Blogger Dick Small said...

Well, I've noticed these things and have become aware of them because of my line of work. I'll never swim in another pool.

Jul 10, 2007, 4:50:00 PM  
Blogger Zed said...

I'm sorry, I don't think I know this. What exactly is your "line of work"?

Jul 10, 2007, 5:03:00 PM  
Blogger Teri said...

Nasty! especially what Dick said.

Jul 10, 2007, 5:54:00 PM  
Blogger Teri said...

Dick, you're a snitch. Shut up!

Jul 10, 2007, 5:55:00 PM  
Blogger Dick Small said...

Neeners!

Jul 10, 2007, 6:37:00 PM  
Blogger Zed said...

Teri, how much longer will you make me suffer, knowing my blog is no longer listed on your blog roll?

Why God, why? Waaaaa. Whine. Whine. Sniff. Whine. Please, please, don't make me suffer. :)

Oh, by the way, my cousin Rocky might be paying you a visit. Or his friend Carlo. OR both. Just something to think about ...

Jul 10, 2007, 8:24:00 PM  
Blogger Lynda said...

Ewww! Dick's comment almost made me puke.

Jul 11, 2007, 5:02:00 PM  
Blogger Zhu said...

I haven't been to a swimming pool in years but I think if I go now, I'll always have the picture of pee, muscus and the whole.

Oh well. I didn't like swimming pool that much anyway.

Jul 11, 2007, 10:14:00 PM  
Blogger Nobody™ said...

The chlorine gets rid of the pee through some sort of chemical magic. Oxidation, or something like that, and the drain at the bottom takes care of the poo. Most people think it's a pool drain, but it's really called the poo drain.

Jul 11, 2007, 11:37:00 PM  
Blogger Sandy Carlson said...

Alleluia and amen. I have been surfing tonight looking for some science on wee-wee in the wa-wa, but no luck. I am comforted to find your blog and feel not at all alone in this view of public pools. Thank you.

Aug 6, 2007, 11:31:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh I absolutely noope to it...earler one of my friend at aquabot used to it...But to some you simply can't stop...I saw many that not only are people peeing, but mucus is running out of people's noses. Skin is flaking off. Hair comes loose (pubes as well). Never to follow them...Sorry if somebody doesn't like..

Sep 18, 2007, 4:00:00 AM  
Anonymous aquabot said...

I love to but the season is over by the way....I don' t know why but this one really looks bizzare.....

Sep 28, 2007, 2:00:00 AM  
Anonymous seo guy said...

I get all teary eyed when I go to the restroom and drop the kids off at the pool because of clorine fumes in the air..

Nov 26, 2007, 1:26:00 AM  

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