Thursday, September 07, 2006

France, You've Let Me Down...

France, I'm writing to let you know that we are through. Even the kingdom of Spain (Hey, is Spain a kingdom or is it just a plain old country? I'm not sure), even SPAIN has little red dots showing up on my ClustrMap (right-hand column--see the map with the red dots?) after all this time.

Oh, sure, you might have to find the word "Navigate" on the ClustrMap and then choose "Map in small clusters" to see the dots representing Spain, but they're THERE France, they EXIST. Where are YOUR dots? Huh? Huh? Where are they? And it's not like you haven't been warned. (see my August 12 post to you).

For lots of years everyone said to me, "Oh the French, they're such difficult people. They can be downright cruel and inhospitable to tourists." But I always defended you, saying, "Oh no, the French, once they accept you, they embrace you and welcome you into their culture. Blah, blah, blah." Well, I don't feel the embrace France. Where is the "embrace"??

The fact is, you can KEEP your delicious, thin, buttery crepes or your scrumptious Boeuf Bourgignon with small, perfectly cooked carrots on the side. I don't need your tasty dry red Cabernet Sauvignon or luscious Pinot Noir. I don't need to see the Louvre again, or the Seine, or the city of Paris for that matter. Nor do I need to visit Mont St. Michel--the most beautiful abbey in the whole world--one last time, or what's the name of that place again with the bumpy hills that look like the surface of the Moon in the middle of nowhere? I forget. Who cares? I'm not going there ever again either.

I don't care how many times your tourism office sends me brochures trying to lure me back to your country. We're through. It was fun while it lasted France, but it's over. . . Nice knowing ya.

16 Comments:

Blogger prying1 said...

Gee. Reading this reminded me of a fellow I once knew.

Perhaps you have heard of him.

Francis Useless.

Sep 8, 2006, 2:43:00 AM  
Blogger damelbo said...

Wow. You are breaking up with a whole country. Gutsy.

Can I still eat french fries???

Sep 8, 2006, 5:12:00 AM  
Blogger Mr. Fabulous said...

Give France a second chance!

Hey I made a rhyme.
Maybe I can do it every time.

Sep 8, 2006, 6:37:00 AM  
Blogger Teri said...

I don't think they use the internet.

Mr. Fab, you are one talented dude.

Sep 8, 2006, 8:59:00 AM  
Anonymous Zed said...

prying1: hahaaa! and his cousin, Fran Cesdead Tome

damelbo: and if Asia doesn't start sending more of its citizens, I'm breaking up with a continent.

mr. fab--Great rhymes. Stop it. :)

teri--They do. In fact I've heard France is pretty technology savvy. In fact, isn't the Eiffel Tower some gigantic television and sateliite tower?

Sep 8, 2006, 10:52:00 AM  
Blogger Teri said...

maybe if you did a "French Day" it would make them feel better?

Sep 8, 2006, 11:48:00 AM  
Anonymous Zed said...

That would be possible if I were SPEAKING TO THEM, Teri. :)

Oh, okay ... maybe. But first I'm doing Australian Day, for Scarlet.

Sep 8, 2006, 11:58:00 AM  
Blogger SushiBoy said...

I'm not giving up the cheese course. I just discovered it!

Sep 8, 2006, 4:42:00 PM  
Anonymous Zed said...

Get over it sushiboy. :)

Try mozzarella, parmagiano reggio, feta, or farmer. You'll learn to like them! Really!

Sep 8, 2006, 6:36:00 PM  
Blogger Zed said...

Damelbo,
You were right. At some point tonight the TV station that owned the Weatherman and Roach video had it pulled. So I pulled my post as well.

Sorry you missed the video. It was a hoot! :)

Sep 8, 2006, 8:17:00 PM  
Blogger Jen said...

I love french toast

Sep 8, 2006, 11:06:00 PM  
Anonymous Zed said...

No more french toast for you jen.

Sep 8, 2006, 11:46:00 PM  
Blogger Scarlet said...

Its not like the French are important or anything!!

What have they ever done to improve our life?? Nothing!!

Just bad F*****G mimes!!!! If they didnt have the eiffel tower NO ONE would even bother to go there.

Sep 10, 2006, 4:57:00 AM  
Anonymous Zed said...

I'm forming a "Don't Dance with France Club" next month if you'd like to join. You can be vice president if you'd like Scarlet.

Sep 10, 2006, 8:12:00 PM  
Anonymous myspace.com/peterclay20 said...

you guys are cool dissin France, its hella funny . . .
i dont even know how i got onto this sight . . .

Dec 31, 2007, 7:06:00 AM  
Anonymous myspace.com/peterclay20 said...

you guys are cool dissin France, its hella funny . . .
i dont even know how i got onto this sight . . .

Dec 31, 2007, 7:06:00 AM  

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