Thursday, August 31, 2006

Tie Some Knots and Make a Bird Cage

The art of tying string into knots is called "macrame." Once the knots are secured, they are formed into shapes such as birds, bird cages, plant holders, light fixture coverings, and bathroom accessories. Everyone loves macrame. YOU love macrame.
If not, you are a sick individual and need to be put away.

Many years ago, my uncle Louie made a huge white macrame bird cage. In the center of the cage was a fake bird, sitting on a fake perch, attached to a cord, which, if pulled, wafted fake bird music into the room. It was a horrifying macrame, and I had nightmares about it for years. Your macrame, however, will warm the cockles of the hearts of your friends, family, and neighbors--and their pets!

Today I saw a macrame design that I know you will love and want. It is the Toilet Paper Dispenser Macrame, and I can get it for you wholesale.

Place your orders HERE and send me a signed blank check. Or DON'T place the order but STILL send the signed blank check. That would work for me as well.


Anonymous Marzi said...

I saw pictures of football player Rosey Grier doing macrame at football games. He made long wall coverings and avoided bird cages and flowerpot holders.

But the fake bird on the fake perch inside the macrame birdcage?? That would have sent me over the edge. Haaaha!

Aug 31, 2006, 11:18:00 PM  
Blogger Zed said...

yah, I'll take 43 toilet paper macrames. i'm sure I'll be able to push them (er, sell them) in my neighborhood. knots are in great demand here.

Sep 1, 2006, 12:22:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I hate knitting, crocheting, macrame, anything in which I have to do all teh work and the person I give it (my sister, my aunt, my bf) to has to hide it in a drawer all year until they take it out when I visit.

Sep 1, 2006, 12:44:00 AM  
Blogger SushiBoy said...

My wife got some lingerie that had been crocheted from bridal shower. The yarn wasn't exactly what one looks for in intimate appearal, being course and prickly instead of silky smooth. Superwoman re-gifted it as a joke as soon as she could.

Sep 1, 2006, 4:23:00 AM  
Blogger SushiBoy said...

Eck my grammar is terrible on that last post. No wonder look at the time! Time for bed.

Sep 1, 2006, 4:39:00 AM  
Blogger Mel said...

ummmm...I think I'll pass. Although its lovely in its own way, its just not tacky enough for me. (I am holding out for a sequined toilet paper holder.)

Sep 1, 2006, 6:23:00 AM  
Blogger Tjotjog said...

Yeah, macrame is great if you are in a mental hospital and it's arts and crafts day :)

Sep 1, 2006, 7:07:00 AM  
Blogger Teri said...

Zed, macrame is so 70's, get with it.

I'll take 5 of the toilet paper check's in the mail.

Sep 1, 2006, 8:38:00 AM  
Blogger Nobody said...

I just set my roll of TP on the toilet tank. That's why there's a lid on there, so the paper doesn't fall in and get wet before it's used.

Sep 1, 2006, 10:37:00 AM  
Blogger Zed said...

Sushiboy--I actually almost fell off the chair laughing when you mentioned crocheted lingerie. Just the itch factor is hilarious.

Mel--I tried to be as tacky as I could. I'm so sorry I disappointed you. :)

tjotjog--and what makes you think I'm NOT in a mental hospital. Huh? Huh? Huh?

teri--sometimes things are SO 70s they are good. So I'll put you down for 5, but it's a BLANK, SIGNED check, right?

Sep 1, 2006, 10:39:00 AM  
Blogger Teri said...

absolutely, a blank, signed check...wait by the mailbox for it...

I'm sorry but not much of anything from the 70's is worthwhile, just the memories...

Sep 1, 2006, 11:40:00 AM  
Blogger Zed said...

I agree. The 70s stuff always makes me laugh. They had the market on tacky.

Sep 1, 2006, 11:42:00 AM  
Blogger Amy said...

That bird... owl thing was in my house growing up. I think we had a frog, too. It would be cool to have a whole macrame zoo.

Shut up. You know it would.

Sep 1, 2006, 12:52:00 PM  
Blogger Zed said...

Amy, welcome to my blog. You are delusional. :)

Sep 1, 2006, 2:10:00 PM  
Anonymous jane said...

i feel so unhip for not already owning the toilet paper dispenser. maybe I should by 15-20 for my daughter's school?

here's my blank check. you can be trusted, right Zed? yes? Well, can you be trusted? yes or no? LOL

Sep 1, 2006, 6:07:00 PM  
Blogger Zed said...

Why of course you can trust me Jane? Just make sure the check is BLANK and SIGNED. :)

Sep 1, 2006, 6:10:00 PM  
Blogger Doctor Mom said...

Not today... not tomorrow... maybe when Italian day comes!

Sep 1, 2006, 6:50:00 PM  
Blogger Zed said...

Doctor Mom, you only have to wait until Tuesday for Italian Day.

I'm whipping up some manicotti and meatballs--yum-yum!

Sep 1, 2006, 7:00:00 PM  
Blogger Jen said...


I just like saying the word




Sep 1, 2006, 8:33:00 PM  
Blogger Doctor Mom said...

I want to bring the home made bread and olive oil dipping sauce!

Sep 1, 2006, 9:14:00 PM  
Blogger Doctor Mom said...

Dearest Fancy Zed--
Please re-read my post and dedication to you in Cul-de-Sac

Sep 1, 2006, 9:18:00 PM  
Blogger Zed said...

Doctor Mom, it's all good. I just didn't add a :) where I should have.

I like your idea, and I'll have to get my article together because it's a sure thing I'll still be in first place in two weeks because Mr. Fab hasn't moved forward in like ... forever. :)

Sep 2, 2006, 12:09:00 AM  

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