Tuesday, February 01, 2011

The Toaster Oven from Spookyville

All of these years, I have been the only human on Earth who doesn't own a toaster oven (well, me and the Amish). But I went to Target last week and got myself a neat-o model.

After a few days I noticed the lettering on the front right corner of the oven window that says something like, "If a fire should erupt, keep the oven door closed and pull out the plug."
Not my model, but close. Very close.

Things go on fire in there? Really? So now I stand and watch everything I cook. If it takes 20 minutes, I’m standing there staring at the oven for 20 minutes, or I pull up a chair and stare. I’m glued to the front of the toaster oven and try not to blink.

And it makes inexplicable, ear-piercing clanging noises as if it’s possessed. Loud, clanging sounds, like a ghost wearing heavy chains and dragging its feet. I’m surprised it doesn’t cry out "Mary! Mary!" or "Boo!"or "Is Jack Nicholson available if they turn this into a movie?" 

It’s the toaster oven from the town of Spookyville, but it's mine and I'm loving it. I’m in the twenty-first century now, baby. Next I might buy a blender. Yes, a blender.

11 Comments:

Blogger Sans Pantaloons said...

What an exciting lovely possession!
You put mince pies in, and get blood pies out. Yum!
I don't have a toaster oven, but I do have two microwaves and a blender. I'm sure I have one of those sandwich maker things in the cupboard under the sink too...

Feb 2, 2011, 7:27:00 AM  
Blogger Zed said...

May I borrow your blender please? I really, deep down, don't want to buy one.

... you don't really eat blood pies do you, Sans? Tell me no. It can't be so! :) When I lived with a family in Scotland several moons ago, the husband liked to eat blood pies and I couldn't even remain at the table when he did so. Somewhat disgusting. The pie, not the husband.

Feb 2, 2011, 9:13:00 AM  
Blogger Dale said...

Hey! I don't have one of these either. What's for dinner?

Feb 2, 2011, 2:33:00 PM  
Blogger Zed said...

I make something called "mush"--it is ground turkey cooked in olive oil with garlic, onions, salt, pepper, spinach, brown rice, and anything else I can think of spur of the moment.

Dinner's at 6. I like Cabernet Sauvignon, the drier the better. Anyone else want to come? Find the Hudson River and climb up the Palisades. Allow plenty of time for this. You'll find me. See y'll later!

Feb 2, 2011, 3:19:00 PM  
Blogger Sans Pantaloons said...

Just in time for Dinner! Mush sounds great.
Sorry to disappoint you Zed, but I do eat what we call here "Black Pudding," probably exactly the same recipe as Blood Pudding.

I guess my Dinner invitation has just been withdrawn.
Oh well, I had better put my Armani Tux back in the wardrobe...

Feb 2, 2011, 5:22:00 PM  
Blogger Zed said...

My world has just been shaken. :)

Nah, you're still invited. Just don't bring any of that junk to dinner. Besides, it doesn't go with my "mush."

Feb 2, 2011, 6:00:00 PM  
Anonymous teri said...

I don't have a toaster oven, either. I've got a stove, microwave, blender and toaster, though. Who needs an extra appliance taking up space.

I bought some Sangria, I can't drink that dry wine crap. Can I stay for dinner?

Thank God for no blood items. That's just as bad as Haggis. *Sorry Sans*

Feb 2, 2011, 9:00:00 PM  
Blogger Zed said...

Haggis? I'm gagging already.

It's not too late for dinner. The "mush" is delicious. Sans scaled the Palisades, and Dale parachuted in. Come on over!

Feb 2, 2011, 9:48:00 PM  
Blogger Zed said...

Teri? Are you calling my wine "crap"? My cabernet is not crap!

Well, I never ...

Feb 2, 2011, 9:50:00 PM  
Anonymous teri said...

nope, not crap, just dry....desert dry.....hurry I need to water for my parched mouth....

Feb 3, 2011, 4:12:00 PM  
Blogger Zed said...

OK, OK, here's some Poland Spring water. Drink up! Take the gallon. :)

I like cabernet, but it's an acquired taste, especially the really dry brands. But it's not sweet, and I'm carefully watching sugar these days because I was just diagnosed with borderline diabetes (very, very CLOSE to the borderline).

Sangria's good! Drink up everyone!

Feb 3, 2011, 6:52:00 PM  

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