You Think You've Got Problems

It's not that I'm competitive or anything ... well, okay, yes I am. But when Dale of Passion of the Dale wrote a comment on my Call Me!! I'm Busy!! post immediately below:

My mother never listens to anything I say but says mm hmm and then goes back to the list of people I don't know who have died lately and then says 'okay, bye' and hangs up...

I thought, he doesn't know. He just DOESN'T KNOW. Oh sure, he's knows a little, but wait. Just wait.

Mama Zed also speaks about strangers (to me) who have died, people whom I have never known, and who obviously I never WILL KNOW. Her conversations about the living can sometimes be even worse:

The Saga of Willy, John, and What's 'er Name

Mama Zed: I was talking with my friend Kathy this afternoon and she told me that her grandson Willy got in trouble in school.

Me: Uh-huh.

Mama Zed: You know Willy, right? That's John's son.

Me: I don't know John and I don't know Willy.

Mama Zed: You don't? How can that be?

Me: No, ma. Why would I know them? I live HERE and you live THERE. YOU know them.

Mama Zed: John and Willy? They're Kathy's son and grandson. They live in Atlanta, Georgia.

Me: Uh-huh. So what about them? (Why do I ask this? Why?)

Mama Zed: Willy got in trouble in school.

Me: HOW? (My nerves!)

Mama Zed: His pants were hanging too low. They were too big. I guess that's what the boys are wearing. And he was thrown out of school and sent home.

Me: Yep, that happens.

Mama Zed: And his mother was furious! You know her, right? That's Kathy's son's John's wife. You met her last year, didn't you? She's tall, attractive, a little overweight. What's her name again? Joanne? Janet? Judy?

Me: Mom, I never met her.

Mama Zed: Sure you did. She comes from Atlanta. Or is it Savannah, and she drives this really cute car. It's a Sabarku?

Me: A Sabarku? You mean a Subaru?

Mama Zed: A Sabarku, a rich dark blue. You owned one of those, didn't you?

Me: A Sabarku? Yes, a long time ago. That's nice ...

Mama Zed: And she works in a law office as a legal aide. She's got a good job and get's 4 weeks' vacation. But she has to work so many hours. She's always working and working! Just like you! I told Kathy that she works far too much. She never has time for her family. Her sister's a nun. What was her sister's name again? Maria? Martina? I forget.

Me: Uh-huh. Why are we talking about John's wife?

Mama Zed: I thought you knew her.

Me: No. So, Willy was sent home and he changed his clothes and they let him back in?

Mama Zed: Yes. He's back in school now.

Me: Well THAT'S good!! (Totally manufactured non-heart-felt enthusiasm).

Mama Zed: They're a nice family. You'd like them. What was the wife's name again?

And you wonder why I don't always have time to blog.