Monday, October 15, 2007

You Think You've Got Problems

It's not that I'm competitive or anything ... well, okay, yes I am. But when Dale of Passion of the Dale wrote a comment on my Call Me!! I'm Busy!! post immediately below:
My mother never listens to anything I say but says mm hmm and then goes back to the list of people I don't know who have died lately and then says 'okay, bye' and hangs up...
I thought, he doesn't know. He just DOESN'T KNOW. Oh sure, he's knows a little, but wait. Just wait.

Mama Zed also speaks about strangers (to me) who have died, people whom I have never known, and who obviously I never WILL KNOW. Her conversations about the living can sometimes be even worse:
The Saga of Willy, John, and What's 'er Name

Mama Zed: I was talking with my friend Kathy this afternoon and she told me that her grandson Willy got in trouble in school.

Me: Uh-huh.

Mama Zed: You know Willy, right? That's John's son.

Me: I don't know John and I don't know Willy.

Mama Zed: You don't? How can that be?

Me: No, ma. Why would I know them? I live HERE and you live THERE. YOU know them.

Mama Zed: John and Willy? They're Kathy's son and grandson. They live in Atlanta, Georgia.

Me: Uh-huh. So what about them? (Why do I ask this? Why?)

Mama Zed: Willy got in trouble in school.

Me: HOW? (My nerves!)

Mama Zed: His pants were hanging too low. They were too big. I guess that's what the boys are wearing. And he was thrown out of school and sent home.

Me: Yep, that happens.

Mama Zed: And his mother was furious! You know her, right? That's Kathy's son's John's wife. You met her last year, didn't you? She's tall, attractive, a little overweight. What's her name again? Joanne? Janet? Judy?

Me: Mom, I never met her.

Mama Zed: Sure you did. She comes from Atlanta. Or is it Savannah, and she drives this really cute car. It's a Sabarku?

Me: A Sabarku? You mean a Subaru?

Mama Zed: A Sabarku, a rich dark blue. You owned one of those, didn't you?

Me: A Sabarku? Yes, a long time ago. That's nice ...

Mama Zed: And she works in a law office as a legal aide. She's got a good job and get's 4 weeks' vacation. But she has to work so many hours. She's always working and working! Just like you! I told Kathy that she works far too much. She never has time for her family. Her sister's a nun. What was her sister's name again? Maria? Martina? I forget.

Me: Uh-huh. Why are we talking about John's wife?

Mama Zed: I thought you knew her.
Me: No. So, Willy was sent home and he changed his clothes and they let him back in?
Mama Zed: Yes. He's back in school now.
Me: Well THAT'S good!! (Totally manufactured non-heart-felt enthusiasm).
Mama Zed: They're a nice family. You'd like them. What was the wife's name again?
And you wonder why I don't always have time to blog.

15 Comments:

Blogger Dick Small said...

I would say: "Just shoot her", but since she's your mom, I'll refrain.

Oct 16, 2007, 2:52:00 AM  
Anonymous Doctor Mom said...

You know, Dick is right, dear. Dick's always right. That's why I'm so in awe of him...

Oct 16, 2007, 2:55:00 AM  
Anonymous gifted typist said...

ISn't that a mother's revenge? To drive her kids nuts when she gets older, like they used to drive her nuts when they were younger.

I am personally looking forward to burdening my children with my prattle and whatnot.

Oct 16, 2007, 5:04:00 AM  
Blogger Chris said...

You could have a little fun and start talking about a bunch of people she doesn't know and insist that she does. Of course, this could just encourage her.

Oct 16, 2007, 10:45:00 AM  
Blogger Skylers Dad said...

My mom had a friend who's daughter used to get in trouble at school by sucking up everyones time by leaving inane comments on peoples blogs.

You remember her, don't you?

Kind of a tall shortish medium build non attractive in a good looking way?

You don't?

How can that be?

Oct 16, 2007, 10:58:00 AM  
Blogger Barbara Bruederlin said...

Oh no, I think I am your mother.

Oct 16, 2007, 1:37:00 PM  
Blogger mixednut said...

I love these Mama Zed posts. Pure gold.

Oct 16, 2007, 4:09:00 PM  
Blogger Dick Small said...

Well, as they say: "The acorn doesn't fall far from the tree". I'm afraid that's you in 30 years, Zed. Sorry. But maybe you'll have a daughter who can post degrading entries about you in her blog someday..

Oct 16, 2007, 5:51:00 PM  
Blogger Dick Small said...

.. and of course I'll be a daily reader, and laugh my ass off at your expense, like you're doing to your mother right now...
Well, enjoy.

Oct 16, 2007, 5:52:00 PM  
Blogger Zed said...

Thank you, Dick. That's very kind of you. My mother appreciates it too.

I'm in awe of him as well, Doctor Mom. He's just plain awesome in so many ways.

It's her job GT. What would she do with herself if not drive me crazy, eat ice cream, and go to Winner's World?

I've tried it, Chris. She just listens in awe because the biggest thing in life right now is just to talk. Doesn't matter about what, but just talk. Over and over and over and over... especially about nothing.

Skyler's Dad, I personally do not know her, but I bet my mother does!! (Your comment made me burst out laughing. I scared the cats!) :)

Barbara, let's get this straight. I DO NOT KNOW ANYONE NAMED WILLY. OKAY??? OR HIS MOTHER!

Thanks Mixed Nut! She's up for adoption if you'd like to converse with her daily. No complicated adoption papers involved.

It could happen Dick. Right now she doesn't have a blog and has no interest in writing one, but one day she will if I start talking about Willy and his falling shorts.

That's okay. You can, Dick. I'm sure I'll be ten times worse than her. Look at me NOW! You'll be pretty old and nuts at that point as well. :)

Oct 17, 2007, 12:06:00 AM  
Blogger BeckEye said...

I have my eye on a cute little Sabarku.

Oct 17, 2007, 12:23:00 AM  
Blogger Zed said...

Beckeye, get the dark blue one. Apparently the color's really "rich."

Oct 17, 2007, 12:33:00 AM  
Blogger Mel said...

Its like Deja Vou.........

Oct 17, 2007, 9:01:00 AM  
Blogger Zed said...

hahaaa!

Oct 17, 2007, 11:34:00 AM  
Blogger Dale said...

Should we have our mother's exchange phone numbers to free up some time for us to do with as we please Zed?

Oct 26, 2007, 11:30:00 PM  

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