Friday, January 05, 2007

I'll Never Make It as a Spy

Two weeks ago, my ears were clogged from allergies. But I was awakened at about 3 AM by a loud, consistent knock at a neighbor's door. Here's what I heard:

OPEN UP. IT'S THE POLICE.
Neighbor: Just a minute...
Door opens.
Police officer: Sir, we're here to _________________ you. I'm giving you _____________. Please read it over carefully and you will see what _______________.
Neighbor: But why? I don't understand. I didn't do anything wrong.
Police officer: You ___________ed; and that's illegal, sir. Now read this over, get yourself an attorney, and decide _____________.
Neighbor: But I didn't do anything illegal. All I did was _________________.
Police officer: Sir, I'm not going to discuss the details of this with you. I'm dropping this _______ off and you need to read it over and get yourself legal counsel.
Neighbor: You mean _______________???
Police officer: Yes sir. You need to _____________.
Neighbor: Okay then. Thank you.
Police officer: Goodnight sir. Good luck with that.

I wanted to throw open my front door and scream, "Can't you people speak a little louder?! My ears are clogged. For heaven's sake, work with me here!"

But the officer had left and the neighbor had gone back to sleep and all I had was a bunch of blank lines I still can't fill in. Spy career: over.

13 Comments:

Anonymous teri said...

I think you should have thrown your door and said that. sheesh, and the best parts of the conversation, too.

maybe they lowered their voices at those point?

I'm sorry, I know how much you wanted to be a spy, too.

Jan 5, 2007, 12:27:00 PM  
Blogger Zed said...

I did. I really did want to be a spy. Oh sure, now my ears are unclogged and no police have come a'calling again. Just my luck.

Jan 5, 2007, 1:00:00 PM  
Blogger Zed said...

BTW, a friend's 13-year-old son is here working on my computer and he keeps leaving stupid comments on my blog that I keep deleting. Don't blame me for stupidity beyond the norm. Sheesh! He's done now I think...I hope.

Jan 5, 2007, 1:40:00 PM  
Blogger Amy said...

It's like a mad-lib. I'm gonna fill in my own blanks... Hee hee hee!!

Jan 5, 2007, 3:14:00 PM  
Blogger Zed said...

I know! I thought of that this morning. Let me know how it goes. :)

Jan 5, 2007, 3:36:00 PM  
Blogger Tanya Espanya said...

OPEN UP. IT'S THE POLICE.

Neighbor: Just a minute...

Door opens.

Police officer: Sir, we're here to evict you. I'm giving you a new toaster. Please read it over carefully and you will see what you could have for breakfast.

Neighbor: But why? I don't understand. I didn't do anything wrong.

Police officer: You procrastinated and that's illegal, sir. Now read this over, get yourself an attorney, and decide already.

Neighbor: But I didn't do anything illegal. All I did was yoga and gardening.

Police officer: Sir, I'm not going to discuss the details of this with you. I'm dropping this dictionary off and you need to read it over and get yourself legal counsel.

Neighbor: You mean me???

Police officer: Yes sir. You need to get some pajamas.

Neighbor: Okay then. Thank you.

Police officer: Goodnight sir. Good luck with that.

Jan 5, 2007, 3:52:00 PM  
Blogger Zed said...

Haha!! Excellent Tanya!

Jan 5, 2007, 4:26:00 PM  
Blogger Tanya Espanya said...

Did you ever find out what happened?

Jan 5, 2007, 7:30:00 PM  
Blogger Teena said...

I'm sure it happened just as tanya said :)

Jan 5, 2007, 10:50:00 PM  
Blogger Zed said...

I never found out what happened.

You know, these people either better learn to speak louder, learn to speak clearer, or knock on my door upon leaving to let me know what's going on. It's only right!

Teena, Tanya has an active imagination--psst, she's pregnant you know. Uh-huh. :)

Jan 6, 2007, 12:10:00 AM  
Blogger Mr. Fabulous said...

Yeah, you are never going to get to Double-0 status a this rate :)

Jan 6, 2007, 9:45:00 AM  
Blogger Dale said...

You've got enough going on without a career change at this point Zed. And I like the way you blame your lamer comments on a fake 13 year old. Someone needs to spy on you.

Jan 6, 2007, 10:03:00 AM  
Blogger Zed said...

Mr. Fab, I can be a spy if I want to!!!

Dale, that WAS lame, wasn't it? And I may use that excuse again...

Jan 6, 2007, 12:02:00 PM  

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