Sunday, September 10, 2006

A Final Word to France. Really. I Promise.

One final word about my breakup with the country of France.

France, yes, you France the NATION, look at the ClustrMap again. Someone from Iceland posted a few days ago. ICELAND!!! It's at the Arctic Circle for cryin' out loud.

No one even lives in lceland except polar bears, penguins, a few moose (mooses?), and an ice-resistant fish or two. Once in a while a lonely ghost ship passes by, but THAT'S IT. And there certainly can't be an Internet connection in Iceland. For who, the dead? But someone posted from Iceland and OVERCAME all obstacles to get to The World According to Zed. Can you imagine what they had to do to reach me? That, oh pathetic nation of France, is what love is all about.

Please don't ever speak to me again France, and don't even think about enticing Jen or my sister Teri or Mr. Fab away by offering them free French toast for life or a year's supply of creme de brulee. Try to have some dignity. They'll never fall for that...


Blogger SushiBoy said...

After that post you probably won't have anymore more visitors from Iceland, let alone France :) I'd like to go to Iceland someday, I hear its kinda like Yellowstone with all the Seismic/Volcanic activity. The fresh fresh fresh North Atlantic Cod would be good too.

Sep 10, 2006, 5:17:00 AM  
Blogger Doctor Mom said...

It sounds like you're very angry at France.

Would you like to talk about this?

Sep 10, 2006, 7:23:00 AM  
Blogger Mr. Fabulous said...

How is it you get so many visitors to your map? Hardly anyone signs mine, particularly from outside the US and Canada.

I think you should be happy for what you DO have...

Sep 10, 2006, 8:16:00 AM  
Blogger Teri said...

I agree with you Zed, everyone from all over the planet has come to visit except France. Are they too good for the Zed?

Mr. Fab, you hush, you've been trying to get China to visit for awhile yourself.

Sep 10, 2006, 8:37:00 AM  
Anonymous Zed said...

sushiboy: Oh, Iceland knows I love it. Reykjavik is gorgeous--and some people actually live there! I starved there, but you would definitely love the food.

Sep 10, 2006, 11:30:00 AM  
Anonymous Zed said...

Thank you, Doctor Mom, for the offer, but France and I are planning to begin relationship counseling on the 12th of October to try to work this out. :)

Very kind offer though...

Sep 10, 2006, 11:32:00 AM  
Anonymous Zed said...

Mr. Fab, I am very grateful for all my visitors. But then I see France, dot-less and barren and I ask myself, Why, God? Why?????!!!! (I'm fine now...)

How can it be you don't have visitors on your map? You have like 10 million people visit you everyday (well, of course not CHINESE people, but people nonetheless..). You're making this up! :)

Sep 10, 2006, 11:37:00 AM  
Anonymous Zed said...

That's exactly it, Teri. It's a conspiracy I tell you, a conspiracy. haha!

Thanks for understanding, sis!

Sep 10, 2006, 11:40:00 AM  
Blogger Teri said...

BTW, a Jersey post would be FABULOUS and very enlightening to the population.

make sure you mention that the State isn't the Jersey Turnpike, the Newark refineries and whatever other nonsense people seem to come up with.

Sep 10, 2006, 12:00:00 PM  
Anonymous Zed said...

I know. Everyone thinks New Jersey is run-down and ugly. They should know the truth. At least 85% of it is a really beautiful place, with a lot of character and characters).

Sep 10, 2006, 12:12:00 PM  
Blogger Doctor Mom said...

Ok-- well if you ever need anything you know where to find me!

Sep 10, 2006, 4:22:00 PM  
Anonymous Zed said...

Thanks Doctor Mom. I can always count on you! :)

Sep 10, 2006, 4:44:00 PM  
Blogger Jen said...

did someone say free fench toast??

Sep 10, 2006, 5:51:00 PM  
Blogger Jen said...

FRENCH toast that is...
I got so excited I made a typo

Sep 10, 2006, 5:52:00 PM  
Blogger Sans Pantaloons said...

I feel confident that a dot will appear in France.

Confident, truly confident.

Sep 10, 2006, 7:30:00 PM  
Anonymous Zed said...

No fench toast for you missy!!

Sep 10, 2006, 7:51:00 PM  
Anonymous Zed said...

sans pantaloons, if you hold ANY power over that country or if you know the head of state (hey, who's the head of France these days?), it would be most gracious of you to intervene on my behalf, plead my case, and see if one of the froggies would come visit. It's only right! :)

But for that meeting with whoever's in charge, perhaps it would be wise to wear pantaloons...??

Sep 10, 2006, 7:57:00 PM  
Blogger Sans Pantaloons said...

Jacques Chirac is the President of France, and I met with him today to discuss your situation.
We agreed that this is very disrespectful to you and the world according to you. He gives his assurance the the situation will be rectified when ClusterMaps gets it's finger out and updates. (He didn't actually say that) but that was the general drift of the conversation.

France & the people of France are with Zed. Liberte,Egalite, Fraternite he said, and the crowd of twenty thousand gathered in the Place du Concorde cheered and cheered, their voices lifted, we love Zed they cried, we love Zed.

(They didn't actually cry that), but I still remain confident that
my friend Pierre, did as he was bribed, er, I mean asked, and went to the local Cafe' and 'phoned home'.
Time as they say, will tell...

Sep 10, 2006, 8:26:00 PM  
Blogger Zed said...

Well done, sans, well done!! I hope you didn't mention how I called them "froggies" today. That would not be good...

I love this: "France & the people of France are with Zed. Liberte,Egalite, Fraternite he said, and the crowd of twenty thousand gathered in the Place du Concorde cheered and cheered..." I knew it! They like me, they really like me!

I owe you big time for your chat and bribe, er, arm-twisting, I mean persuaveness with Mr. Chirac. Next time I make pasta I'll send over a bowl! Bien sur! Merci!

Waiting with anticipation,

Sep 11, 2006, 12:55:00 AM  

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