Thursday, October 26, 2006

Are You Pathetic? A Quiz

1. The most important item to pack on a trip to the Bahamas is:
a. your brand-new sexy bathing suit, which will make you the best-looking person on the beach
b. your 45 SPF tanning lotion
c. a super-ionic hair dryer and hair spray
d. Clamato Tortilla Chips and Juice (with extra clams)

2. You go to the movies to see Old Yeller or Bambi or The Yearling and you:
a. cry while in the theater and on the way home in the car and whenever you think about it again in the future
b. laugh at the ridiculous nature of these schmaltzy films
c. think "what a nice movie" and go on with your life
d. are bored

3. Your scratch-off lottery ticket is a winner and you take it to the crowded local supermarket to collect your $100. The clerk takes your winning ticket and swipes it twice through the electronic state lottery machine to validate the ticket.
However, one CANNOT swipe the ticket twice or the machine will NOT pay you what you have won--it thinks you are trying to collect the $100 TWICE. The clerk turns to you and says, "Sorry, the machine says this ticket has already been validated. I can't pay you." You say,

a. "You swiped it twice!!! I saw you. Now give me my $100!"
b. "Thank you. Okay."
c. "I'm calling the lottery commission! You're a crook."
d. "I'm feeling ripped off. However, can I buy another ticket then?"

4. You're stopped by a police officer for speeding. He asks for your driver's license and registration and you say:
a. "But I wasn't speeding. This isn't fair!"
b. "Okay, I was speeding, but I'm a doctor responding to an emergency."
c. "No, no, no. I don't deserve a ticket and I'll fight it to the death. I'll see you in court mister!"
d. "You're right, I was speeding, because I'm really late to meet my friend. I'm a half hour late already and now he/she's going to be kill me. I really should learn to leave the house earlier! It's just I get side-tracked by all sorts of silly things, like cleaning a closet or playing on the computer, and then I look at the clock and I'm already late even before I start to get ready. It's ridiculous, really. So you're right. I deserve this ticket so don't feel bad that you have to give it to me. In fact I insist you give it to me."

5. You park your car at the mall and make note of where you parked it. When you come outside you:
a. can't find it and wander aimlessly up and down the parking lot hoping you will eventually locate it
b. can't find it and call mall security to drive you up and down the parking lot hoping you will eventually locate it
c. assume someone stole it, call the police, and let them drive you up and down the parking lot hoping you will eventually locate it
d. go buy a new car
e. go directly to your car because you know exactly where you parked it

6. You have a blog and can't think of anything to write about today. You:
a. don't make a new entry today
b. get something from your archives and post it
c. you create a pathetic quiz
d. you write a new post that is meaninless and empty but feel proud, because no one can ever accuse you of slacking off on your blog

ANSWERS APPEAR IN THE COMMENTS SECTION.

25 Comments:

Blogger Zed said...

CORRECT ANSWERS
1. b. or d Everyone knows your hair is going to be a mess pretty much no matter what you do considering the humidity on a tropical island, and let's face it, that bathing suit can only do SO MUCH to help you. But pathetic people know that they will never ever ever EVER tan and need to put on as much 45 SPF suntan lotion as possible. Even with the 45 SPF they will still get a medium burn. They are pathetic. As for answer d, you are pathetic if you like Clamato Tortilla Chips or Juice (with extra clams)--and you are thereby a perfect candidate for the Club of the Pathetics.

2. a. This is the proper response. In fact you may even be crying now thinking of how wonderful those movies were. You would never laugh (b) at the death of an animal (even if it's an animated animal!), be bored by an animal movie (d), or just go on with your life (c). If a human is injured, you are concerned, but it's a whole other thing with animals . . .

3. b. You don't want to make waves, but the fact is this loser is probably going into the cash register and collecting your $100 the second you leave the store. But you don't want to make waves (c), you still believe in the lottery and want to buy another ticket (d), and would never want to make a scene in a crowded store (a). You're pathetic. Oh yes you are.

4. d. This pathetic move will keep you from getting the ticket because the officer will be so sick of hearing you speak that he will quickly return your driver's license and registration and pretend he has an emergency call JUST TO GET AWAY FROM YOU--so this pathetic move is really a GOOD thing. Never "disagree" with a police officer (a), or lie to him/her (b), or threaten him/her (c). In this case, being pathetic is good.

5. a, b, or c The key here is to remember where you parked your car. Forgetting where you parked your car is pathetic. Involving other parties to help you find it is ultra pathetic. Buying a new car is just wrong and a waste of money. And going directly to your car because you know where you parked it is ... unheard of.

6. c However, d is a close second. In fact, just having a blog might be a pathetic thing; I haven't decided.

Scoring:
6 correct: You are super-pathetic
5 correct: You are rather pathetic
4 correct: You're medium-grade pathetic
3 correct: You plain old pathetic. You can do better.
2 correct: You're barely pathetic.
1 correct: You are not pathetic and you are officially banned from The Club of the Pathetics

Oct 26, 2006, 12:53:00 PM  
Blogger Zed said...

If you don't understand any of the questions, or are unable to answer because you like several of the answers--or if you don't take the test because "it's too difficult!" you automatically qualify for The Club of the Pathetics and your name will be automatically be entered into The Club of Pathetics roster. Because you, my friend, are definitely pathetic.

Oct 26, 2006, 12:58:00 PM  
Anonymous jane said...

considering i once called the police to report my car stolen from a mall parking lot and then found it three days later "three aisles over" from where i thought i had left it makes me, i think, an automatically pathetic person and I should be granted special status within the club of the pathetics. who needs a quiz? i've already fully proven i'm pathetic. lol

Oct 26, 2006, 1:05:00 PM  
Blogger Teri said...

Jane - that made me bust a gut. too funny!!!!!!!!!!!! and PATHETIC AS HELL.

Oct 26, 2006, 1:11:00 PM  
Blogger Teri said...

okay, my answers, which are the CORRECT answers:

1. a, b and c
2. a
3. a and c
4. d
5. e
6. c

you are a genius sis, don't let anyone ever tell you otherwise. oh and you are NOT pathetic.

Oct 26, 2006, 1:14:00 PM  
Blogger Teri said...

oh, I meant to say you're pathetic as hell. : P

Oct 26, 2006, 1:17:00 PM  
Blogger Lynda said...

1. The most important item to pack on a trip to the Bahamas is:
b. your 45 SPF tanning lotion

2. You go to the movies to see Old Yeller or Bambi or The Yearling and you:
a. cry while in the theater and on the way home in the car and whenever you think about it again in the future

3. Your scratch-off lottery ticket is a winner and you take it to the crowded local supermarket to collect your $100. The clerk takes your winning ticket and swipes it twice through the electronic state lottery machine to validate the ticket.
However, one CANNOT swipe the ticket twice or the machine will NOT pay you what you have won--it thinks you are trying to collect the $100 TWICE. The clerk turns to you and says, "Sorry, the machine says this ticket has already been validated. I can't pay you." You say,
a. "You swiped it twice!!! I saw you. Now give me my $100!"

4. You're stopped by a police officer for speeding. He asks for your driver's license and registration and you say:
d. "You're right, I was speeding, because I'm really late to meet my friend. I'm a half hour late already and now he/she's going to be kill me. I really should learn to leave the house earlier! It's just I get side-tracked by all sorts of silly things, like cleaning a closet or playing on the computer, and then I look at the clock and I'm already late even before I start to get ready. It's ridiculous, really. So you're right. I deserve this ticket so don't feel bad that you have to give it to me. In fact I insist you give it to me." (Cause I really did, expect instead of friends insert parents - and he still gave me the ticket.)

5. You park your car at the mall and make note of where you parked it. When you come outside you:
a. can't find it and wander aimlessly up and down the parking lot hoping you will eventually locate it

6. You have a blog and can't think of anything to write about today. You:d. you write a new post that is meaninless and empty but feel proud, because no one can ever accuse you of slacking off on your blog

Oct 26, 2006, 2:03:00 PM  
Blogger Lynda said...

Do I get extra credit for #4?

Oct 26, 2006, 2:03:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Yes Lynda you do! that was just so pathetic that it was sad. I'm crying for you right now!! haha!
That's exactly what I always do and I have NEVER gotten a ticket in the last 5 pull-overs...
So I'm only counting 1 wrong, meaning you are RATHER PATHETIC--but we know you are super-pathetic deep down. :)

Oct 26, 2006, 2:09:00 PM  
Anonymous Zed said...

See how pathetic I am? I'm not anonymous--I own the blog! Grrr. I don't know how that keeps happening!

Oct 26, 2006, 2:10:00 PM  
Anonymous Zed said...

Teri you're only "plain old pathetic" according to the quiz--but I know in my heart of hearts that you are indeed a "super-pathetic" to "rather pathetic" person. :) So I'm letting you join the club and you will no doubt show us in no time just how pathetic you really are. We're counting on you Teri!!!
bwaaahaha!

Oct 26, 2006, 2:14:00 PM  
Blogger Teri said...

I won't let you down, sis.

Oct 26, 2006, 2:16:00 PM  
Anonymous Marzi said...

1. b I'm definitely a 45 SPF-er
2. a I always cry, every time
3. b I'd like to say a, but I don't want to create a scene in the supermarket
4. a I complain. But I've learned the mistake I'm making and will whine next time i'm pulled over.
5. b I've done this. So sad and embarrassing. The security guys thought I was a complete moron.
6. d I'm guessing--I don't have a blog yet but that's what I would do if I did.

So I think this makes me rather pathetic and I'm good with that. I'm socially acceptable pathetic...

Oct 26, 2006, 2:20:00 PM  
Anonymous Zed said...

Thanks Teri! We're counting on you!

Oct 26, 2006, 2:21:00 PM  
Anonymous Zed said...

Marzi, you will NOT get a ticket if you whine. It works with the toughest of police officers. Try it and let us know how it works for you!

Oct 26, 2006, 2:22:00 PM  
Anonymous mixednut said...

The fact that I don't have a blog should make me "rather pathetic".
Can I join?
I need hugs.

Oct 26, 2006, 3:06:00 PM  
Anonymous Zed said...

Yes, of course you can join--even though your supremely pathetic for not having a blog. You're in!

Hugs to you mixednut!

Oct 26, 2006, 4:15:00 PM  
Blogger Jen said...

There's a mistake..
The answer to #1 is
d. Clamato Tortilla Chips and Juice (with extra clams)


ppfft

Oct 26, 2006, 5:18:00 PM  
Blogger Mel said...

I tried to comment earlier, freaking blogger.

Anyway, I find that crying when a cop pulls you over for speeding is very pathetic but also very effective. Unless its a female cop but that hasnt happened yet.

Oct 26, 2006, 7:28:00 PM  
Anonymous Zed said...

Jen, the answer to 1 is b OR d. Which means you have just qualified for high ranking in the Club of the Pathetics... lol

Mel, never cry with female police officers--B-I-G mistake. You not only get the speeding ticket but whatever else she can throw in.

Oct 26, 2006, 10:03:00 PM  
Blogger Scarlet said...

Question 6 is scaringly acurate....

Thanks for making me scared about every posting!

Oct 26, 2006, 10:05:00 PM  
Anonymous Zed said...

Sorry Scarlet. Didn't mean to scare you.
But that does qualify you for the Club of the Pathetics. You're in.

Oct 26, 2006, 10:41:00 PM  
Blogger Doctor Mom said...

1. B. SPF 45: Duh, I'm a redhead
2. D. Yeah, I wouldn't waste my time
3. A & B, no one should get by with that crap, the 7-11 guy just wanted to keep the $100 for himself, crook!
4. B. And it's the truth... I have a pager to prove it :)
5. E. Who loses a Lexus?
6. A. I make an entry when I'm damn good and ready

How'd I do?

Oct 27, 2006, 5:56:00 PM  
Anonymous Zed said...

You were fabulous Doctor Mom--as usual. Which means you're pathetic and can enter the Club of the Pathetics. You're in!

Oct 27, 2006, 9:50:00 PM  
Anonymous Bahama Benji said...

I guess I'm a dork cause I choose the tortilla chips...Thanks for a fun quiz!

May 24, 2007, 1:15:00 PM  

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