Tuesday, September 12, 2006

The Wonders of New Jersey (for Teri)

What a great state New Jersey is! It's bigger than Rhode Island (but then, isn't everything bigger than Rhode Island?), but smaller than most other states--yet it is the most densely populated state in the country. People, people, people. You can't get away from them no matter how hard you try in New Jersey. People here, people there, here people, there people, everywhere people people. And lots and lots of cars and traffic jams. And more people.

Some information, good and sad, about New Jersey:
The state bird is the Eastern Goldfinch, but if you ask New Jerseyites if they've ever seen one, they all say "No, what's that?" On the surface this doesn't appear to be a good sign, but they know about OTHER birds: seagulls, pigeons, sparrows and finches, Canada geese, haws, eagles--and maybe a bit about vultures. To pick up the many dead bodies Tony Soprano and his friends leave around the state. Just kidding Tony. Haha! Tony?

The flag is very colorful, with two women on it: one has a lit lamp, and the other is holding who knows what? I can't make it out. A washboard? And it has a horse on it and leaves. It's their flag and they can have what they want on it. Go here http//www.flagline.com/id01BA30 if you want to buy one. But think it over. It's not the prettiest flag I've ever seen.

New Jersey's nickname is the Garden State, yet most would be surprised to hear there are gardens in the state. Well, wake up people; there are. And farms! With horse and chickens and cows. JERSEY COWS--GET IT??

Oooh, look, a cow!New Jersey has something for everyone!
Atlantic City: I was ripped off by Caesar's Casino last month when they charged me $10.75 to get my own money from my Visa card to gamble at their casino and I had to be fingerprinted before they'd hand the money over to me. I wrote and complained, but it didn't help. Other casinos in OTHER states would be weak kneed and lame, and would have given in to my whining--and they might even have send me a coupon for a free overnight stay in one of their hotels--perhaps in the PENTHOUSE. Oh, no, not the NEW JERSEY Caesar's. They sent a form letter and told me to move on. Hrrumph!

The Lincoln Tunnel: Three big holes (or is it four now?) in the ground that pass under the Hudson River to connect New Jersey with New York. Most people hold their breath as they travel under the river--and pray... a lot. The tunnels are so OLD that you sort of hope you make it to the other side alive no matter which direction you're traveling in.
The George Washington Bridge: Connects New York City with New Jersey, and vice versa. :) The bridge is big and silver. And it costs a lot to cross it. That's all I know about it.
Palisades Amusement Park: Dick Clark used to hold shows there starring Fabian, Bobby Darin, Dionne Warwick, and other stars from the 1960 and 1970s. The park was dismantled many years ago, but the roller coaster there was the best of its time.
Sports teams: the New Jersey Devils, the New Jersey Nets, the New Jersey Yankees, and the New Jersey Giants. Those last two might not be right.
Southwestern New Jersey connects to Philadelphia, where I saw LiveAid many years ago, but that's a whole other story... And there are farms--have I mentioned the farms!?
The Newark Airport-Elizabeth-New Jersey Turnpike Exit 14-15 area is NOT representative of New Jersey. It is ugly there. It holds oil storage tanks, garbage dumps, and filth everywhere. But close your eyes as you drive away from Newark Airport (but not if you're the driver) and I guarantee you that in 10-20 minutes north, west, or south you'll see the real state--the handsome, well-manicured New Jersey, with mansions, Tudor and Dutch Colonial homes, rolling hills, high rises, luxury. It's a beautiful state--please believe me. Puleeesssseee believe me!!
The Jersey Shore: New Jerseyites call the beach "the shore." Why? Because they feel like it. Prepare yourselves though: This is not the Riviera. It's not even Myrtle Beach or Fort Lauderdale. It has carnival-type games on the boardwalk and lots of people in bikinis who should never even THINK about wearing a bikini. But the boardwalk rocks! The smell of pizza, hot dogs, candy cane, fried fish, and other delicacies is awesome. Sometimes it smells like dead fish, but most of the time it's not too bad.

Think of all the famous people who come from, or who have made a mark in, Jersey. These are just a few: Giovanni da Verrazano-you know, the Verrazano Bridge? If it was good enough for him ...; George Washington (the man who slept all over the state); Frank Sinatra; Jon Bon Jovi; Meryl Streep; Ray Liotta; Kevin Spacey; Al Piscopo; Jack Nicholson; Tony Soprano from The Sopranos; Brooke Shields; Bruce Springsteen (the Boss); Jimmy Hoffa (I think he's buried in Jersey); and of course Zed. I was born there.

So don't let me hear any foolish talk or snicking about NJ. It's bigger than Rhode Island (but what state isn't?), it's got beaches and oceans white with foam, it has mountains, valleys, and streams and fields. And our friend Teri lives there. A New Jersey treasure.

Next time I hear bad talk about New Jersey, I'm sending Tony Soprano and my cousin Rocky over to your house. Deal with THEM.


Blogger Mr. Fabulous said...

Two women on the flag? Was the state founded by lesbians? That is SO cool...

You spelled Springsteen's name wrong. You have lost all credibility. I think you are from Iowa.

Sep 12, 2006, 7:51:00 AM  
Blogger Teri said...

That was FABULOUS, I think I love you more each day, sis!

You were born in Jersey? Now there are two fabulous additions to NJ, you and me.

And Live Aid? I was there too! Did you see me?

Sep 12, 2006, 9:57:00 AM  
Anonymous Zed said...

Mr. Fab, Pfft. :)
I spelled Springsteen's name ON PURPOSE. Yeah, that's the ticket, on purpose.

Teri, I was born in North Jersey, home of some of the most fabulous people in the world. And I think I did see you at LiveAid. Wasn't that a great concert? Even that sleezeball Madonna was there. :)

Sep 12, 2006, 10:39:00 AM  
Anonymous jane said...

mr. fab i'm thinking there might be someinteraction with the two women and the horse. nah, probably not.

nj's my state! i love it except for all the malls and the 10 kazillion people packed into one little space. we don't have elbow room here.

Sep 12, 2006, 11:00:00 AM  
Blogger Teri said...

Jane, I hate the lack of elbow room also.

Also, the high property taxes, high car insurance........

Sep 12, 2006, 11:18:00 AM  
Blogger Zed said...

Ah, Jersey, land of the brave (I saved people in a fire!), and the smart (me, me, me), and the wise (my wisdom hypnotizes the masses).

But I just don't think they have enough Starbucks--that was sarcasm for sure, since they have one on each corner...

Sep 12, 2006, 11:21:00 AM  
Anonymous jane said...

teri, the taxes'll kill us yet. they;re out of control

another pet peeve: the road signs that take you half-way to your destination and then just stop telling you where to go. my husband and i always laugh about that. :) it's like the state signage department can't "concentrate"

Sep 12, 2006, 11:36:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

New Jersey stinks! LOL

Sep 12, 2006, 11:47:00 AM  
Blogger Zed said...

Hey, hey, hey! :) So do you, but in polite society we try not to bring it up.

Don't ever forget my cousin Rocky, who "knows people." If NJ stinks, then he stinks, which he may not be happy to hear if you catch my drift. :)

Sep 12, 2006, 11:54:00 AM  
Blogger Jen said...

That was a nice story

... I'm still not going there

Sep 12, 2006, 1:45:00 PM  
Blogger Zed said...

Jen, they've got Clamato Tortilla Chips there. Think it over.

Sep 12, 2006, 2:28:00 PM  
Blogger Teri said...

and clam dip, Jen....

and waffles and ice cream.......

and fudge........

Sep 12, 2006, 2:31:00 PM  
Anonymous Marzi said...

For everyone else 'cept Zed, who figured it out, I was the one who said "NJ stinks!"
I live here, so trust me, I know. For years north New Jersey suffered through the stink of the pig farms and slaughterhouses, which are now gone. Ugly! And then there was the stench of the Hudson, but they've cleaned that up in recent years. It's doing so much better now. Beleive me any state taht has a Trader Joe's or Whole Foods in it can't be all bad. :)

Sep 12, 2006, 3:23:00 PM  
Blogger Nobody said...

I'll pass on visiting New Jersey, too many people. I dont' really like people. I'm funny that way.

Sep 12, 2006, 5:46:00 PM  

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