The QUICK CASH Machine--Or So They Call It

After losing $100, I needed to get more cash at Caesar's Casino in Atlantic City, so I went to one of the QUICK CASH machines, where money is extracted from your bank account based on your debit or credit card. All I wanted was $200 cash, and I entered my PIN when asked for it.

I was charged $10.75 to get my hands on own money. More horrifying, the QUICK CASH machine didn't give me any cash. It said "Go to the cashier to get your money."

So I went to the nearest cashier, who said, "Oh, no, not here. Keep walking down further and you'll see where to go." I walked about 1/2 mile to the next cashier, and after waiting 11 minutes in a long line the cashier said, "No, no, not HERE! You need to go to the Global Cashier. Keep walking toward the Boardwalk exit."

So I walked another 1/2 mile and I still couldn' t find a sign for the "Global Cashier." I stopped passersby, but no one had ever hear of this particular type of cashier, including casino employees. Fun!

Finally I find the "Global Cashier," who has a line formed in front of her, and who has put up a sign in the cashier's window that reads:

Sorry for the inconvenience.
I'll be back in 15 minutes.

What??!! When is someone going to give me my money!!!

When the Global Cashier returns, she slowly handles each person in line. And when I say "slowly" I mean "barely moving," "semicomatose," and "frozen stiff."

When I get to the front of the line, she wants my picture ID, which she s-l-o-w-l-y enters into the computer, and prints out and has me sign several pieces of paper--and, get this, takes my fingerprint and asks me to press the print on the signature line of a check (huh?).

Again, all I want is my own money. The entire transaction took--from the time I put my money card in the "QUICK CASH" machine--about 32 minutes.

For all I know, the Global Cashier has emptied my bank account and is headed to Fiji to live out her days on the beach eating coconuts and bananas and writing mystery novels.