Wednesday, September 05, 2007

I Should Have Become a Plumber

On Friday, I found water pouring out the bottom of my guest toilet. Building maintenance said it was the flange that was broken, and they don't handle that, so I called a plumber and asked when he could come by:

Frank the Plumber: Next Wednesday. I can make it next Wednesday.

Me: Next Wednesday? Today's Friday. That's 5 days I have to wait?

Frank the Plumber: Well, it's a holiday weekend, I'm wrapping up here for the day, and I'm going to be really busy next Tuesday. So the earliest I can make it is next Wednesday.

Me: Fine. I'll see you Wednesday then. You'll be here when?

Frank the Plumber: 9:00 a.m.

It's a good thing I have two bathrooms. Of course, the second one belongs to my cats Frankie & Johnny, but then let me share it for a few days and by this morning wanted me out of there. I got up early today and I thought, "I bet the plumber doesn't remember he has an appointment with me. Watch. I'd better call him." I call Frank the Plumber.

Me: Hi, this is Zed at the Fortress. You're coming at 9:00, right?

Frank the Plumber: Do we have an appointment? Your name is Zed? We spoke? When? I don't have anything written down.

He didn't remember. Of course not.

Me: When can you be here?

Frank the Plumber: 9:00 a.m. sharp.

So he came at 10:10 and was here until 10:45. He fixed the flange and adjusted the water flow.

Frank the Plumber's charge: $325. That's $325 for 35 minutes work.


Of course handling other people's toilets is a rather messy and smelly occupation, but let's face it, Frank earns more than my doctor. Why did my parents insist I go into publishing?



A toilet.


A flange. (This is a clean one. Be happy I didn't show you a dirty one.)

16 Comments:

Blogger Jay Cam said...

wow what a story, oh and thanks for showing the CLEAN...flange? falange?..well thanks! lol

Sep 5, 2007, 9:08:00 PM  
Blogger chelene said...

Plumbers make out like bandits. If I wasn't so prissy I could be raking in the cash but I hate plunging my own toilet let alone someone else's.

Sep 5, 2007, 9:17:00 PM  
Blogger Zed said...

It's all about the stench. Plumbers need to deal with--should I say this?--poop, and pee, and stench.

Maybe I should have paid him $400.

Sep 5, 2007, 9:31:00 PM  
Blogger Zed said...

Jay Cam, thanks for stopping by. I promise to check out your site soon.

Sep 5, 2007, 9:33:00 PM  
Blogger GETkristiLOVE said...

$325 and no butt crack?

Sep 6, 2007, 12:25:00 AM  
Blogger Zed said...

No butt crack whatsoever. And he was dressed in as clean a uniform as the Maytag repairman. The more I think of it, the more he was worth the $325.

Sep 6, 2007, 12:39:00 AM  
Blogger BeckEye said...

I'm with Chelene. It all sounds like a great way to make some quick cash...until some guy with explosive diarrhea calls you after completely clogging his toilet. No thanks.

Sep 6, 2007, 1:48:00 AM  
Blogger A Ghost's Story said...

that's utterly messed up. Why in the hell did I ever go into education? I deal with poop and whiz ALREADY in that profession-- I might as well get paid $800/hr...

Sep 6, 2007, 7:39:00 AM  
Blogger Skylers Dad said...

I actually know how to do most of that crap (pun definitely intended)!

Sep 6, 2007, 4:14:00 PM  
Blogger mixednut said...

It's never too late Zed.

Sep 6, 2007, 6:43:00 PM  
Blogger Zed said...

BeckEye, explosive diarrhea ... that would be the deal breaker for me. I once went into a bathroom stall at work after someone (a woman apparently--it was the ladies room) had an explosive diarrhea episode and EVERYTHING WAS COVERED WITH WASTE--the toilet, the side walls, the back walls, the floor. And I brought this up because??? I can't remember. TMI? :)

A Ghost's Story, let's face it, there's no money in education. If you want the BIG bucks, plumbing it is. And the poop and piss knowledge from teaching can only be a plus. Quit teaching tomorrow. Buy a plumber's uniform.

Skylers Dad, even if you had to FLY here it would probably STILL be worth your while to do the job. I'm calling YOU the next time, not Frank.

mixednut, is there such a thing as plumbers' school? I can learn it all fast! I just don't want to touch poop--I'm funny that way. :)

Sep 6, 2007, 10:34:00 PM  
Blogger Nobody™ said...

My plumber works for $39/hr. He works very slowly to make up for his low rates. About 25 miles away Big City they charge about $95/hr.

Sep 8, 2007, 11:05:00 AM  
Blogger Dale said...

You had a guest named toilet? Weird.

Sep 8, 2007, 6:18:00 PM  
Blogger Pavel Chekov said...

Nowadays, you have to pay extra to see the butt-crack. Maybe you should've payed him the $400.

Sep 10, 2007, 1:56:00 AM  
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