Monday, October 30, 2006

Bad News and Good News--Just Sharin'

Serious post. If you want humor, videos, or, an international Zed day, you'll have to scroll down or go to someone else's blog--or come back on Wednesday for 70s Day. I need to say some stuff out loud.

I come from a family of non-complainers. It's what we do. My sister died of cancer, but smiled her way out of here to make sure everyone else was okay. It was a gift--she had been given a large measure of grace no doubt--but sometimes, when I think of it now, I wish she was able, just ONCE, to say to someone who asked her how she was "I don't feel well. I'm sick. I have pain." But she would always say that if she told someone how she really felt that would upset them, which would UPSET HER. So ultimately she felt she was protecting herself and it was just easier to say "Fine. I feel fine." She was in hospice and she still said, "I feel fine."

And as for my mother, she was in a car accident 5 years ago, but she never told us about the event or that she was in pain from seriously injured ankles and deep cuts and bruises. We'd have hopped on a plane to be with her in Florida (she was well into her 80s), but she never even let us know she was hurting until she was healed because she "didn't want to bother" us. Sigh. Another non-complainer.

So in the great tradition of Zedfamily, I haven't told you that I have severe pain every single day all day from what I originally thought was a minor injury to my legs, especially my right one, several years ago.

In the last two years, I have been having a tough time walking. Don't get me wrong, I CAN WALK. But I hurt. I ache. I feel ancient--and I'M NOT! I dread confronting a set of stairs. Or getting out of bed, or moving in bed, or sitting for a long time.
I can't get an operation since I only have catastrophic health care due to the mess of the U.S. health care system thankyouverymuch. I pay $509 per month absolutely FOR NOTHING. If I need stitches, I have to pay out of pocket. If I need surgery, I need to pay out of pocket unless it's an emergency--which this isn't, since I didn't just have a car accident or fall down a flight of stairs. This happened several years ago already.

So in desperation to find relief from the pain, I
recently started physical therapy to see if that would help. And it has. Anyway, it DID, until the last few weeks during which I have been walking as if I am 90 years old and hurting more than ever. I have to nap 3 hours a day due to the intense pain. Lord, I hate that.

Anyway, last night something changed for the better. ... I remembered that my sister, who had a collapsed vertebra from too many (and too intense) radiation treatments on her spine, would have to get on the floor and roll from side to side until something that was out of whack in her spine would go back in place. It was most inconvenient for her and often awkward and embarrassing. She had to do this manuever every hour or so, no matter where she was--friend's homes, restaurant and public restrooms, at the beach, in a park, wherever--to be able to function.

So in thinking about my sister and how she got whatever was out of place back IN place, it occurred to me yesterday that something must be out of place in my right leg and I need to press on whatever it is to put it BACK IN place. Hey, genius here! :)

I was afraid, but thought how much worse pain can it bring? I already feel awful! So that's what I did. I poked around and pushed in the area of the most intense pain, and I found something that clicked and whatever was "out" went back in place! I got up and walked around. No pain! I can walk. No pain. Yippee! I had to press on my right leg twice today to make whatever was "out" go back "in", but I was fine after that. I just got up now and my legs are absolutely fine. (And a doctor didn't figure this out because...???)

I still need PT because I need to strengthen calf and thigh muscles so I can get up out of a chair with THEM rather than my knees, and I need to get my legs used to moving properly again. But I think I'm on to something!

So I shared my good AND bad news with you. I don't want to be another one of Zedfamily's non-complainers, unable to say to those I care about what's wrong when something is very wrong.

I may never even bring this up again, but I really wanted to be honest with you and let you know what's been going on with me. That's why sometimes I need a day off. And why I'm cranky at other times. Crankypants. But today crankypants is smiling a bit more and feeling much, much better. I can walk. Like a person. :) I hope this lasts!

Thanks for listening! Hugs!


Blogger Sans Pantaloons said...

{{Hugs}} Zed!,
I'm glad you decided to share with us. I'm glad that your self medication has worked, and have every wish and hope that it will last. You must feel wonderful!!

Anyone for a Marathon?
{{More Hugs}}

Oct 30, 2006, 4:30:00 AM  
Blogger Mel said...

I know how you feel. I have mentioned I am in pain all the time anymore, but when someone asks I say "I am ok" I dont say I am fine because I havent been fine in over 2 years now. But no one wants to hear about it.

Thank god you have found something that helps you!! I hope you continue to be pain free!!

Thanks for sharing, really it means alot to me to know I am not alone.

Oct 30, 2006, 5:25:00 AM  
Blogger Chris said...

That is a great story! I'll be sure to send some positive vibes your way!

Oct 30, 2006, 8:59:00 AM  
Blogger Teri said...

well blogger just ate my comment, Fucker! and it won't let me upload pictures to my post from yesterday, bastard!

Anywhoo, I'm glad you are breaking the cycle of non complainers. The people in your world want to know what's going on with you so they can offer support, prayers, hugs, etc. and we genuinely care.

My best friend has been on long term disability for the past 10 years and I won't bore you with all her ailments but she has no problem telling folks "I'm not having a good day" and if she needs help, she asks for it. It did take her awhile before she got to this point though.

So tons of hugs, prayers and well wishes are coming your way. Keep doing what you're doing and hopefully the pain will lessen or disappear altogether.

Oct 30, 2006, 9:33:00 AM  
Anonymous Zed said...

Thanks so much Sans--big hugs to you as well! Let's schedule a run in the next NYC marathon! We CAN do it!

Mel, I think the key is that no one wants to hear it all the time, but friends have actually gotten angry at me for not saying a word. There's some place in the middle we can be. It's okay to say I feel awful, as long as it's not our only tune. :)

Thanks so much Chris. I can feel the positive vibes already!

Teri, are we having a bad day? haha! Anyway, it's always a good thing when we grow up, and in this ONE thing, I think I understand that people who care don't mind hearing the truth of what's happening. I always thought it wasn't okay, but it is. On another note, Blogger stinks. You know it, I know it, we all know it. I hope they get their act together soon! Thanks for your support!

Oct 30, 2006, 10:04:00 AM  
Anonymous jane said...

hey, zed, sorry you're not feeling well. hugs to you!
i learned a long time ago that as long as my "not feeling well" didn't become a career, my friends were more than happy to be in the loop. is'nt that what friends are for?

so thanks for putting us in the loop and i hope your cure works long-term.

Oct 30, 2006, 10:30:00 AM  
Blogger Amy said...

Hugs back at you, Zed!

I'm sorry to hear about your pain. My family are non-complainers too, and as a mother I feel like I also have to be. I completely understand those who don't want to burden others with their problems. But, like Jane said, that's what friends are for, and I need to keep that in mind and ask for help no matter what the problem is. Hopefully I'll remember your story!

Anyway, hope you keep feeling good!!

Oct 30, 2006, 12:22:00 PM  
Blogger Teena said...

Glad you've figured out how to alleviate your pain.

Thankfully here in Canada we have a good health system. I fell in the tub four years ago and landed on my right butt cheek. I ended up with a lovely bruise! But it also screwed up my lower back ... it hurt to walk.

My doctor must have thought I was nuts cuz I kept going back to her telling her about my pain ... and she sent me for tons of tests. Eventually regular visits to a chiro fixed me.

Oct 30, 2006, 12:33:00 PM  
Anonymous Zed said...

Amy, thanks for your comments. I think we've been taught not to "need"--but we're human, we "need" sometimes.

Teena, you have no idea how much I wish the US would get the health-care system worked out. It's a mess and we're all spending so much money every month for no/only some benefits. In my case I feel as if I'm paying off a luxury car, except no one's ever going to GIVE ME THE CAR! Not good! I appreciate your comments. Canada looks better to me every year...

Oct 30, 2006, 12:46:00 PM  
Blogger Jen said...

sending more
positive vibes your way...


glad you shared
and glad you feel better

isn't the health care in america
AWESOME!!! wooo hooooooooo!!!!

Oct 30, 2006, 1:05:00 PM  
Anonymous mixednut said...

Glad to hear you're feeling better Zed.
Maybe you just need some new strut mounts.
Or maybe a chassis lube?? ;-)

Oct 30, 2006, 1:28:00 PM  
Blogger Zed said...

Thanks Jen! US health care is pathetic indeed.

mixednut, I think it might be more serious than new strut mounts. I think I might need new wheels and possible a transmission job. :) Thanks for your good thoughts!

Oct 30, 2006, 2:02:00 PM  
Blogger Nobody said...

I'm glad you shared with us! Feel free to complain to me anytime.

I hope you are able to keep winning the battle with your pain.

Oct 30, 2006, 2:30:00 PM  
Blogger Zed said...

Thanks Nobody, and hey welcome back from Vegas.

Now about your dislike of cats... :)

Oct 30, 2006, 2:36:00 PM  
Blogger Lynda said...

I have had pain in my legs and back since my twenties. The only thing that has really helped is losing weight and exercising, two things I am not predispositioned to do. :)

I am glad you found the click! You may want to check out some strength training exercises to help you strengthen your leg muscles. (Might save the PT bills)

I recommend Strong Women Stay Young or any book in the Strong Women series.

Oct 31, 2006, 11:42:00 AM  
Blogger Teresa said...

Ok, I am thrilled you are feeling better. I wonder if that would work with my hip.
It is always amazing to me that we can figure these things out.

Anyway I want to know why you never shared this with me???
Especially after all I have told you, this is what friends are for you know.
Now I hope you continue to feel better.
Hugs to you Zed.

Oct 31, 2006, 11:27:00 PM  
Blogger Zed said...

I never shared about pain because I could never figure out how to work it into emails. Sorry. I hope I'm getting better at this now.

My legs are much MUCH better for the last week, and I'm thinking I've turned a corner here.

Nov 3, 2006, 8:33:00 PM  

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