Bad News and Good News--Just Sharin'

Serious post. If you want humor, videos, or, an international Zed day, you'll have to scroll down or go to someone else's blog--or come back on Wednesday for 70s Day. I need to say some stuff out loud.

I come from a family of non-complainers. It's what we do. My sister died of cancer, but smiled her way out of here to make sure everyone else was okay. It was a gift--she had been given a large measure of grace no doubt--but sometimes, when I think of it now, I wish she was able, just ONCE, to say to someone who asked her how she was "I don't feel well. I'm sick. I have pain." But she would always say that if she told someone how she really felt that would upset them, which would UPSET HER. So ultimately she felt she was protecting herself and it was just easier to say "Fine. I feel fine." She was in hospice and she still said, "I feel fine."

And as for my mother, she was in a car accident 5 years ago, but she never told us about the event or that she was in pain from seriously injured ankles and deep cuts and bruises. We'd have hopped on a plane to be with her in Florida (she was well into her 80s), but she never even let us know she was hurting until she was healed because she "didn't want to bother" us. Sigh. Another non-complainer.

So in the great tradition of Zedfamily, I haven't told you that I have severe pain every single day all day from what I originally thought was a minor injury to my legs, especially my right one, several years ago.

In the last two years, I have been having a tough time walking. Don't get me wrong, I CAN WALK. But I hurt. I ache. I feel ancient--and I'M NOT! I dread confronting a set of stairs. Or getting out of bed, or moving in bed, or sitting for a long time. I can't get an operation since I only have catastrophic health care due to the mess of the U.S. health care system thankyouverymuch. I pay $509 per month absolutely FOR NOTHING. If I need stitches, I have to pay out of pocket. If I need surgery, I need to pay out of pocket unless it's an emergency--which this isn't, since I didn't just have a car accident or fall down a flight of stairs. This happened several years ago already.

So in desperation to find relief from the pain, I recently started physical therapy to see if that would help. And it has. Anyway, it DID, until the last few weeks during which I have been walking as if I am 90 years old and hurting more than ever. I have to nap 3 hours a day due to the intense pain. Lord, I hate that.

Anyway, last night something changed for the better. ... I remembered that my sister, who had a collapsed vertebra from too many (and too intense) radiation treatments on her spine, would have to get on the floor and roll from side to side until something that was out of whack in her spine would go back in place. It was most inconvenient for her and often awkward and embarrassing. She had to do this manuever every hour or so, no matter where she was--friend's homes, restaurant and public restrooms, at the beach, in a park, wherever--to be able to function.

So in thinking about my sister and how she got whatever was out of place back IN place, it occurred to me yesterday that something must be out of place in my right leg and I need to press on whatever it is to put it BACK IN place. Hey, genius here! :)

I was afraid, but thought how much worse pain can it bring? I already feel awful! So that's what I did. I poked around and pushed in the area of the most intense pain, and I found something that clicked and whatever was "out" went back in place! I got up and walked around. No pain! I can walk. No pain. Yippee! I had to press on my right leg twice today to make whatever was "out" go back "in", but I was fine after that. I just got up now and my legs are absolutely fine. (And a doctor didn't figure this out because...???)

I still need PT because I need to strengthen calf and thigh muscles so I can get up out of a chair with THEM rather than my knees, and I need to get my legs used to moving properly again. But I think I'm on to something!

So I shared my good AND bad news with you. I don't want to be another one of Zedfamily's non-complainers, unable to say to those I care about what's wrong when something is very wrong.

I may never even bring this up again, but I really wanted to be honest with you and let you know what's been going on with me. That's why sometimes I need a day off. And why I'm cranky at other times. Crankypants. But today crankypants is smiling a bit more and feeling much, much better. I can walk. Like a person. :) I hope this lasts!

Thanks for listening! Hugs!