Wednesday, November 03, 2010

and where are my coco puffs? Korea’s loss and Target’s gain

In recent months in my hometown, two large American-owned-and-operated supermarkets have shut down due to lack of business (??) to make way for two large-scale Korean supermarkets. America’s in trouble, people; we’re in trouble.

Have I mentioned recently that I do not live in Korea? No? OK. Let me say it out loud: I do not live in Korea. I live in America. Land of American food favorites: hotdogs, hamburgers, steak, canned/foil-pack tuna fish, macaroni and cheese, mashed potatoes …  Are Korean supermarkets catering to the American people’s food favorites? NO. They like fish. And more fish. And then … a little bit more fish. They are in love with fish.

In Korean supermarkets, one sees 10-kazillion aisles of fish and fish products, as well as live/dead fish hanging around in large pickle-holding-type barrels. In fact, out of, say, 10 aisles, 5 of them are devoted to fish. Where are the Coco Puffs? Where is the Fluff? For heaven’s sake, where are the 25 varieties of frozen pizza? Where are the Jimmy Dean breakfasts?! Where are the bagels?

You want to purchase vegetables? Bizarre-looking vegetables can be found, yes. Some of these vegetables look like tree branches. For all I know, they ARE tree branches. Do Koreans eat tree branches?

I saw small strips of beef (tiny, tiny, little strips of beef) that were priced at $16.95/lb. I think it was beef—it could have been beef—who knows? Madagascan rat? Could be. I like to know what I’m eating.

And the amount of American food in such supermarkets is roughly equivalent to … none. Oh, alright, they sell a little American food. I think I saw milk, sugar, Cheerios, and Orbit gum. I cannot live on milk, sugar, Cheerios and Orbit gum.

American non-food products include paper items (towels, toilet paper, napkins) and cat food and litter. The paper product choices are slim: Bounty. I like Viva paper towels. Koreans do not.

American supermarkets have variety in everything: 25 different brands of cereal, snacks, bread, and so on. English muffins came in original, honey wheat, cinnamon raisin, sourdough, cranberry, as well as different size packages: 4-, 6-, and 12-packs. At the Korean market, there is the 4-pack of English muffins in original flavor … maybe. If you’re lucky.

What does this all mean? For me it means I’m not only buying the Nintendo Wii, home-care products, skin-care products, sheets and towels, t-shirts, sneakers, blankets, etc., at Target, I’m now food shopping at Target. I might as well just turn over all my freelance checks to Target and they can dole out some sort of an allowance to me. Because Target, thanks to the Koreans, will soon be taking over the world.

3 Comments:

Blogger Sushiboy said...

Sounds like Kim Jong-il's evil master plans of taking over American culture (except for movies, I hear he likes American Movies) are right on Target. Ugh... that was poor, even by my standards. Hope you find some coco-puffs soon. (Hopefully they aren't coco-puffer-fish when you do run across them)

Nov 3, 2010, 6:20:00 PM  
Blogger Zed said...

Oooh, the Coco-Puff joke hurt. lol

Where is my Marshmallow Fluff? (Found it at Target today!) Yippee!!

Nov 4, 2010, 12:24:00 AM  
Anonymous jane said...

marshmallow fluff is excellent for bones, teeth, good skin and hair. oh wait, i was thinking of fish.

Nov 4, 2010, 12:05:00 PM  

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