Friday, September 15, 2006

The Speaker of Extremely Frequent Extraneous Information (SEFEI)

The Speaker of Extremely Frequent Extraneous Information (SEFEI) (also known as The Person Who Can't Get to the Point) has always been prone to speaking a tad too much. But now she seems to have decided that she prefers misdirected, unfocused chatter. We recently had a chat and this is how it went. Comments in italic are MINE.

Me: So, how are you?
SEFEI: Good, good. I spoke to my Aunt Josie last week. You know her, you met her at the wedding--or was it at the shower? You know, I can't remember . . . She's my father's sister. Well not really, they just call her that. Let's see, how can I explain this? My father's mother, my grandmother, was best friends with Josie and when my grandmother married my grandfather, who came from--now where was it? (ZZZZZZZZZ.) Did he come from Bavaria or Poland? You know I don't remember. In fact, maybe it was a city in Switzerland called, called ... Bernard?
Me: Do you mean Berne?
SEFEI: Yes, yes, Berne. Look how you always know these things! (I'm brilliant!) Yes, Berne. Now why did I bring this up?
Me: I don't really know ... Your grandfather came from there?
SEFEI: Right! That's it! Okay, so why did I bring that up?
Me:Your grandfather married your grandmother in Berne?
SEFEI: Yes. That's right. Look at you! (Yes, I'm quite clever.)
Me: Okay, thanks, but what's the point of this story? Please hurry, I need to get back to work...
SEFEI: Okay, okay, don't rush me, I want to tell you this. So, yes they married and my Aunt Josie, who really isn't my aunt at all had a son at the time. What was HIS name? Hmmm, what was it?
Me: John? (I'll play along!)
Me: Brian? Tom? Greg? Paul? Gary? Wil? Craig? Jack?
Me: Tony? Corey? Jason? Mark? (I've got names I didn't even know I had.)
SEFEI: No, no, no! It was something like Josie. It sounded like that. Joe? No. Joseph? No.You know, I can't remember his name.
Me: It doesn't matter, SEFEI! What's the point of this story? Please get to the point.
SEFEI: I don't remember what I was trying to tell you.
Me: That you spoke to your Aunt Josie last week. WHAT DID SHE SAY?
SEFEI: But I was going to tell you something else. Something ABOUT her.
Me: Well?
SEFEI: I remember now! She called to say that her second cousin, who's married to a plumber in Brooklyn, right near the Brooklyn Bridge--what's that area called again?
Me: Brooklyn Heights?
SEFEI: Yes, that's it. Look how you know! (Yes, I'm so amazing!) And you know what good money plumbers make in this state. Well, her cousin called to say that her daughter--whose name is Megan, I think--is having a baby in January even though she had problems with having her first one. (Silence.) Isn't that wonderful, Zed? I'm so thrilled for her. (ZZZZZZZZZ. Sorry, were you saying something?)
Me: Sure that's great. Really, good. But I don't know any of these people. I don't know your aunt, or her son or her cousin or her cousin's daughter Mia...
SEFEI: Megan. I just TOLD you it was Megan. I KNOW you don't know them. I just wanted to tell you. I thought it was so great. (My nerves.)

It is very much to her benefit that a telephone and thousands of lines of cable stand between us. Honestly. And yes, this is the same woman who took an hour and a half to order lunch (Click here).

I'm a saint I tell you--a saint!


Blogger Doctor Mom said...

It's cold in here... can you turn on the heat, feel my nose, it's cold and runny, like a dog. It's got to be 50 degrees in here. Your themostat must be wrong, my feet are like icicles. Please don't tell me to put more clothes on, I don't want to go through too many clothes because you don't have the right laundry detergent. I get itchy from those other detergents you use, don't you get itchy? I wouldn't use them on my clothes, but you can if you want, if you like being itchy that's your business. Don't even offer to bring that ridiculous plug-in heater thing out, I won't sit in one place just to be warm. It was like when you took my to IHOp the other day, Denny's is always warm, they know how to make pancakes, I think there are too many choices with IHop, a pancake is a pancake, but you can only get a smiley faced pancake at Dennys, where it's warm.

Now... after talking with SEFEI, did you want mom back to keep you company? Really tough call!

Sep 16, 2006, 7:57:00 AM  
Blogger Mel said...

ACK! I work with someone like that! It is grating. But you, my friend are Brilliant and Amazing and Clever!

I dunno mom it feels kinda warm in here to me.

Sep 16, 2006, 8:14:00 AM  
Blogger Teri said...

sorry sis, but she should have heard this wonderful sound from you...........CLICK

Sep 16, 2006, 9:33:00 AM  
Blogger Zed said...

Hahaaaaaa! Doctor Mom you nailed it. Right now I can't be with either. My nerves! :)

Mel--Here's my technique with SEFEIs in public places: "Ooooh, excuse me, I have to run. I just remembered I have to ... (fill in the blank)." haha!

Teri--if only they made remote controls for SEFEIs.

Sep 16, 2006, 10:13:00 AM  
Blogger Teri said...

oh a remote control would be wonderful. that's less rude than hanging up on someone, I guess.

Sep 16, 2006, 10:36:00 AM  
Anonymous amy from mish mash said...

Sadly, sometimes I get like that. But, at least I know it and usually try to recognize if I'm just blabbering...

Hell, I do it in comments sometimes.

God I'm retarded.

Sep 16, 2006, 2:01:00 PM  
Anonymous zed said...

I'm sorry Amy, were you just blathering? Hahaa! Just kidding!

Please, I blather too, but this friend I mention is beyond words. I wish I could say I exaggerated in that post. But I didn't. She called this afternoon and did the same thing. I have no idea what she was talking about. :(

Sep 16, 2006, 4:13:00 PM  
Blogger Mr. Fabulous said...

I thought all you really old people talked like that...

Sep 16, 2006, 5:38:00 PM  
Blogger Zed said...

Mr. Fab, why do you make me "phht" daily? Why? Why?

Phht. Phht. Phht. Phht. Phht. Phht. Phht. Phht. Phht. Phht.

Sep 16, 2006, 6:03:00 PM  
Blogger Mel said...

I changed my settings to allow anyone to comment...go see if it helped you comment on my page. Go NOW LOL. I hope it works! I am a comment whore I know.

Sep 16, 2006, 6:10:00 PM  
Blogger Zed said...

I'm going right now Mel. Yea!

Sep 16, 2006, 6:23:00 PM  
Anonymous jane said...

I have a cousin like this. I now check call-waiting before I pick up the phone.
I just don't have time for long stories about people I don't know and don't care about. My husband says I'm mean. So be it. lol

Sep 16, 2006, 9:09:00 PM  
Blogger Doctor Mom said...

Do you really check call waiting before you pick up the phone, or caller ID?

I see that you may need a lesson in basic technology.... Do we have any experts who can help Jane with the calling features provided by Ma Bell?

(sorry Jane, it was just silly and I'm poking fun at you... no harm meant!)

Sep 17, 2006, 8:57:00 AM  
Blogger Zed said...

This is a telephone. It has numbers on it. If you push the numbers, a signal is sent through the telephone wires/cables and a ring occurs at the number you called. If someone answers, the signal has made a connection and the circuit is complete.

If the person who answers is Doctor Mom, hang up. :)

(Just kidding Doctor Mom!! I'm still in #1 place in Cul-de-Sac, right?)

Sep 17, 2006, 10:54:00 AM  
Blogger Teri said...

oh, you two are FUNNY.

I knew what she meant by call waiting even though I didn't pick up the faux pas.

Thanks for describing this phone invention, sis. It clears up alot of questions I had...

Sep 17, 2006, 11:19:00 AM  
Blogger Zed said...

You're welcome. If you need information about how to answer a phone, or how to speak into it, let me know. :)

Sep 17, 2006, 11:38:00 AM  
Blogger Doctor Mom said...

Fancy Zed--
You're still in first place... if we cannot pick on one another here, where there is no HR *human resources* to reprimand us, where CAN, we pick on one another and be inappropriate?

BTW-- Your lot selection is posted in Cul-de-Sac... you should really choose before Fab picks up speed!

Sep 17, 2006, 3:42:00 PM  

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