The Speaker of Extremely Frequent Extraneous Information (SEFEI)

The Speaker of Extremely Frequent Extraneous Information (SEFEI) (also known as The Person Who Can't Get to the Point) has always been prone to speaking a tad too much. But now she seems to have decided that she prefers misdirected, unfocused chatter. We recently had a chat and this is how it went. Comments in italic are MINE.

Me: So, how are you?
SEFEI: Good, good. I spoke to my Aunt Josie last week. You know her, you met her at the wedding--or was it at the shower? You know, I can't remember . . . She's my father's sister. Well not really, they just call her that. Let's see, how can I explain this? My father's mother, my grandmother, was best friends with Josie and when my grandmother married my grandfather, who came from--now where was it? (ZZZZZZZZZ.) Did he come from Bavaria or Poland? You know I don't remember. In fact, maybe it was a city in Switzerland called, called ... Bernard?
Me: Do you mean Berne?
SEFEI: Yes, yes, Berne. Look how you always know these things! (I'm brilliant!) Yes, Berne. Now why did I bring this up?
Me: I don't really know ... Your grandfather came from there?
SEFEI: Right! That's it! Okay, so why did I bring that up?
Me:Your grandfather married your grandmother in Berne?
SEFEI: Yes. That's right. Look at you! (Yes, I'm quite clever.)
Me: Okay, thanks, but what's the point of this story? Please hurry, I need to get back to work...
SEFEI: Okay, okay, don't rush me, I want to tell you this. So, yes they married and my Aunt Josie, who really isn't my aunt at all had a son at the time. What was HIS name? Hmmm, what was it?
Me: John? (I'll play along!)
SEFEI: No.
Me: Brian? Tom? Greg? Paul? Gary? Wil? Craig? Jack?
SEFEI: No.
Me: Tony? Corey? Jason? Mark? (I've got names I didn't even know I had.)
SEFEI: No, no, no! It was something like Josie. It sounded like that. Joe? No. Joseph? No.You know, I can't remember his name.
Me: It doesn't matter, SEFEI! What's the point of this story? Please get to the point.
SEFEI: I don't remember what I was trying to tell you.
Me: That you spoke to your Aunt Josie last week. WHAT DID SHE SAY?
SEFEI: But I was going to tell you something else. Something ABOUT her.
Me: Well?
SEFEI: I remember now! She called to say that her second cousin, who's married to a plumber in Brooklyn, right near the Brooklyn Bridge--what's that area called again?
Me: Brooklyn Heights?
SEFEI: Yes, that's it. Look how you know! (Yes, I'm so amazing!) And you know what good money plumbers make in this state. Well, her cousin called to say that her daughter--whose name is Megan, I think--is having a baby in January even though she had problems with having her first one. (Silence.) Isn't that wonderful, Zed? I'm so thrilled for her. (ZZZZZZZZZ. Sorry, were you saying something?)
Me: Sure that's great. Really, good. But I don't know any of these people. I don't know your aunt, or her son or her cousin or her cousin's daughter Mia...
SEFEI: Megan. I just TOLD you it was Megan. I KNOW you don't know them. I just wanted to tell you. I thought it was so great. (My nerves.)

It is very much to her benefit that a telephone and thousands of lines of cable stand between us. Honestly. And yes, this is the same woman who took an hour and a half to order lunch (Click here).

I'm a saint I tell you--a saint!